Touchy Subjects

First of all, I want to start by saying this is my opinion only.  It does not reflect what my husband thinks.  I respect his opinion, and we do share some similar ideas, but if you want to know exactly what he feels, you can talk to him or check out his facebook.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, I'm going to talk about some things I have been thinking about lately.  I'm probably going to ramble, I tend to do that anyways, but even more so when it's something pretty deep and complicated.

When I was growing up, someone, I'm not sure who, said that the day we allow same sex couples to marry our nation will fall.  This probably came from the LDS doctrine that the family, as defined by God, is the first and most important unit of any society.  It is what nations are built on.  And redefining, or undefining, that unit will somehow cause a chain reaction of negative and destructive events.  And I believed it.

Now that I'm older, my views of the world have changed a little bit.  I am certainly more open to different ideas, more tolerant of different people, and more understanding of different circumstances.  I don't feel it is my place to judge other people based on the way they choose to live; I only judge what is best for me.  After all, God has said that He alone is to judge us, we are only to love everyone.  Can we judge if a behavior done by someone else is acceptable for us?  Of course; but can we condemn that person for their behavior?  Of course not.  All we know is that everyone is doing the best with what they have been given, and only God truly knows the thoughts and intents of the heart.

With that in mind, how can we judge others?  Hold them to standards which we have that they might not?  There are some very intense issues being brought to light recently, most prevalent it seems the topic of same sex marriage.  Currently, only a few states recognize same sex marriage, while the rest of the nation simply calls it civil union.  The issue is trying to legislate a nation wide acceptance and recognition of same sex marriage.  One roadblock?  Religion.

Our nation was born of a people fleeing religious oppression. Our forefathers fought for a nation of freedom and equality.  Where anyone can worship, or not worship, according to the dictates of their own conscience.  Where everyone has the right to live how they will.  Of course, there are laws created with the intent to protect people from harm, and they may seem to infringe on a person's freedom (ie, the murderer may feel it is their right to kill someone); however, actions by persons that take away freedoms of other persons or cause harm should be made illegal.  Such as rape, murder, theft, assault, texting while driving, etc…….

Ok, now here's my opinion.  It's a little muddled and confused, I apologize, but I'm still trying to figure things out.  Do I personally have a problem with homosexual people?  Heaven's no!  They are people, same as you and me.  They have feelings, they have hopes and dreams, goals, tastes, likes, dislikes.  They aren't aliens.  They just feel differently in terms of sexuality.  Should they be allowed to live life to the fullest?  Yes, I believe they should.  But then, what is the fullest?  I suppose that is different for everyone.  As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, it's probably marriage in the temple and a family.  That is the center of our religion.  But for someone who is not a member, who is homosexual, that probably isn't what they consider the fullest.  Their ideas about life are different.

Here's where it gets touchy, especially for members of the Church.  God, so far as we know, has said that marriage is defined as a union between a man and a woman.  Temple marriages can only be performed between a man and a woman, and if you think about it, those are the only marriages that are recognized eternally anyways.  All other marriages are for this life only; in fact, many of  the vows stated by couples include "till death do we part".   So here's my question, why does it matter?  Why does it matter if the nation allows same sex couples to marry?  Everyone is entitled to live how they will, and it's already called a civil union, which for all intents and purposes is a marriage.  So what if many religions don't recognize same sex marriage?  That is their right.  They are private institutions.  But our nation is not run by private institutions, it was never meant to be.  No religious view was ever meant to be supreme, and many people don't hold any religious beliefs at all.  So how can we as a nation legislate based on religious beliefs, no matter how old and traditional they are?

And here is where it gets touchy for me.  I was raised in an LDS home, I have been a member all my life.  I attend church now.  I believe marriage, eternal marriage, is only between a man and a woman.  I believe that there is a prophet call of God to lead the Church today, and I believe in the doctrines of the Church, even those about marriage and family.  I do believe children should have the opportunity to be raised by a father and a mother, even though, increasingly, that isn't possible.  But can I force my beliefs on someone who doesn't agree?  Aren't they entitled to have their own beliefs?  My responsibility in being a "good Christian" is to be loving and charitable.  Even when sharing my beliefs.  Am I condemned when someone doesn't believe what I share with them?  I don't think so.  No one should be forced to believe anything, no one should be forced to live a certain way.  Christ didn't force the gospel on anyone, He taught with compassion and by example.  Those who were willing to listen and live the way He taught, chose to do so of their own free will.  And those who didn't, had as much right to exercise their agency as those who did.

I think a common misconception among people is that same sex marriage will some how cause harm to them or their family personally.  Maybe I am naive, but I don't really see how that is possible……now, if a rapist where to attack a young woman, that would definitely cause some direct and personal harm.  Which is why we have laws against it.  But if your neighbors happen to be a married same sex couple, I really don't think they are going to do you any injury, unless they are also criminals, rapists, whatever.  But then people say well, it's an attack on religion, it will hurt me emotionally, etc……yes it can hurt you emotionally if you choose to allow it, but no I don't think it is an attack on religion.  It is simply a group or people wanting to be treated equally and enjoy the same things offered to heterosexual couples.

Again, here is where it gets touchy for me.  I don't agree with same sex marriage.  I am not homosexual, and would never consider marrying someone of the same sex.  But just because I don't agree with it, doesn't mean  they don't have the same agency as I do.  Church leaders have made it very clear the Church's standing on homosexuality, and same sex marriage, defining true marriage as between a man and a woman.  I agree with that.  But I can also see the logic behind allowing same sex couples to marry.  There is no logical, unreligious reason why same sex couples should not be allowed to marry.  Saying that children will be negatively affected is a little silly to me as well, because we as a nation allow single parents, teenage mothers, drug addicts, the morbidly obese, deadbeats on welfare, and so on to raise children.  And I'm pretty sure the Church doesn't condone any of those parenting options as optimum either.  So, thus, you see my confusion.  A nation that is not governed by any religious view cannot logically legislate against same sex marriage.  But I know that same sex marriage is not a part of God's eternal plan, according to what I have been taught and what I believe.  Still, everyone has their agency.

One other thing, some Church members feel the same way I do on same sex marriage.  Some even more strongly.  To try and use their religion against them in a condescending way ("oh you don't sustain the prophets", "you don't believe in the 'Proclomation to the World'", "what happened to the once faithful missionary?") is judgmental, ignorant and mean.  Like I said, everyone is entitled to believe what they will believe, even within the LDS Church.  Does that change or infringe upon doctrine?  No, not at all.  The Gospel is not defined by its members.  Remember that.  But also remember this, it's cliche, but very wise: "you'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar".  Always try to be loving, understanding, and compassionate, especially towards those who feel differently than you.