Friday, March 29, 2013

Touchy Subjects

First of all, I want to start by saying this is my opinion only.  It does not reflect what my husband thinks.  I respect his opinion, and we do share some similar ideas, but if you want to know exactly what he feels, you can talk to him or check out his facebook.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, I'm going to talk about some things I have been thinking about lately.  I'm probably going to ramble, I tend to do that anyways, but even more so when it's something pretty deep and complicated.

When I was growing up, someone, I'm not sure who, said that the day we allow same sex couples to marry our nation will fall.  This probably came from the LDS doctrine that the family, as defined by God, is the first and most important unit of any society.  It is what nations are built on.  And redefining, or undefining, that unit will somehow cause a chain reaction of negative and destructive events.  And I believed it.

Now that I'm older, my views of the world have changed a little bit.  I am certainly more open to different ideas, more tolerant of different people, and more understanding of different circumstances.  I don't feel it is my place to judge other people based on the way they choose to live; I only judge what is best for me.  After all, God has said that He alone is to judge us, we are only to love everyone.  Can we judge if a behavior done by someone else is acceptable for us?  Of course; but can we condemn that person for their behavior?  Of course not.  All we know is that everyone is doing the best with what they have been given, and only God truly knows the thoughts and intents of the heart.

With that in mind, how can we judge others?  Hold them to standards which we have that they might not?  There are some very intense issues being brought to light recently, most prevalent it seems the topic of same sex marriage.  Currently, only a few states recognize same sex marriage, while the rest of the nation simply calls it civil union.  The issue is trying to legislate a nation wide acceptance and recognition of same sex marriage.  One roadblock?  Religion.

Our nation was born of a people fleeing religious oppression. Our forefathers fought for a nation of freedom and equality.  Where anyone can worship, or not worship, according to the dictates of their own conscience.  Where everyone has the right to live how they will.  Of course, there are laws created with the intent to protect people from harm, and they may seem to infringe on a person's freedom (ie, the murderer may feel it is their right to kill someone); however, actions by persons that take away freedoms of other persons or cause harm should be made illegal.  Such as rape, murder, theft, assault, texting while driving, etc…….

Ok, now here's my opinion.  It's a little muddled and confused, I apologize, but I'm still trying to figure things out.  Do I personally have a problem with homosexual people?  Heaven's no!  They are people, same as you and me.  They have feelings, they have hopes and dreams, goals, tastes, likes, dislikes.  They aren't aliens.  They just feel differently in terms of sexuality.  Should they be allowed to live life to the fullest?  Yes, I believe they should.  But then, what is the fullest?  I suppose that is different for everyone.  As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, it's probably marriage in the temple and a family.  That is the center of our religion.  But for someone who is not a member, who is homosexual, that probably isn't what they consider the fullest.  Their ideas about life are different.

Here's where it gets touchy, especially for members of the Church.  God, so far as we know, has said that marriage is defined as a union between a man and a woman.  Temple marriages can only be performed between a man and a woman, and if you think about it, those are the only marriages that are recognized eternally anyways.  All other marriages are for this life only; in fact, many of  the vows stated by couples include "till death do we part".   So here's my question, why does it matter?  Why does it matter if the nation allows same sex couples to marry?  Everyone is entitled to live how they will, and it's already called a civil union, which for all intents and purposes is a marriage.  So what if many religions don't recognize same sex marriage?  That is their right.  They are private institutions.  But our nation is not run by private institutions, it was never meant to be.  No religious view was ever meant to be supreme, and many people don't hold any religious beliefs at all.  So how can we as a nation legislate based on religious beliefs, no matter how old and traditional they are?

And here is where it gets touchy for me.  I was raised in an LDS home, I have been a member all my life.  I attend church now.  I believe marriage, eternal marriage, is only between a man and a woman.  I believe that there is a prophet call of God to lead the Church today, and I believe in the doctrines of the Church, even those about marriage and family.  I do believe children should have the opportunity to be raised by a father and a mother, even though, increasingly, that isn't possible.  But can I force my beliefs on someone who doesn't agree?  Aren't they entitled to have their own beliefs?  My responsibility in being a "good Christian" is to be loving and charitable.  Even when sharing my beliefs.  Am I condemned when someone doesn't believe what I share with them?  I don't think so.  No one should be forced to believe anything, no one should be forced to live a certain way.  Christ didn't force the gospel on anyone, He taught with compassion and by example.  Those who were willing to listen and live the way He taught, chose to do so of their own free will.  And those who didn't, had as much right to exercise their agency as those who did.

I think a common misconception among people is that same sex marriage will some how cause harm to them or their family personally.  Maybe I am naive, but I don't really see how that is possible……now, if a rapist where to attack a young woman, that would definitely cause some direct and personal harm.  Which is why we have laws against it.  But if your neighbors happen to be a married same sex couple, I really don't think they are going to do you any injury, unless they are also criminals, rapists, whatever.  But then people say well, it's an attack on religion, it will hurt me emotionally, etc……yes it can hurt you emotionally if you choose to allow it, but no I don't think it is an attack on religion.  It is simply a group or people wanting to be treated equally and enjoy the same things offered to heterosexual couples.

Again, here is where it gets touchy for me.  I don't agree with same sex marriage.  I am not homosexual, and would never consider marrying someone of the same sex.  But just because I don't agree with it, doesn't mean  they don't have the same agency as I do.  Church leaders have made it very clear the Church's standing on homosexuality, and same sex marriage, defining true marriage as between a man and a woman.  I agree with that.  But I can also see the logic behind allowing same sex couples to marry.  There is no logical, unreligious reason why same sex couples should not be allowed to marry.  Saying that children will be negatively affected is a little silly to me as well, because we as a nation allow single parents, teenage mothers, drug addicts, the morbidly obese, deadbeats on welfare, and so on to raise children.  And I'm pretty sure the Church doesn't condone any of those parenting options as optimum either.  So, thus, you see my confusion.  A nation that is not governed by any religious view cannot logically legislate against same sex marriage.  But I know that same sex marriage is not a part of God's eternal plan, according to what I have been taught and what I believe.  Still, everyone has their agency.

One other thing, some Church members feel the same way I do on same sex marriage.  Some even more strongly.  To try and use their religion against them in a condescending way ("oh you don't sustain the prophets", "you don't believe in the 'Proclomation to the World'", "what happened to the once faithful missionary?") is judgmental, ignorant and mean.  Like I said, everyone is entitled to believe what they will believe, even within the LDS Church.  Does that change or infringe upon doctrine?  No, not at all.  The Gospel is not defined by its members.  Remember that.  But also remember this, it's cliche, but very wise: "you'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar".  Always try to be loving, understanding, and compassionate, especially towards those who feel differently than you.


Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Pointless

I've decided we're going to be done with doctors and therapists.  Well, for Tristan's torticollis at least.  Seems like we've reached the end of the rainbow.........too bad we didn't find a pot of gold, just a puddle of mud.  Why is it that doctors will just give you the runaround until you eventually give up??

We went up to Primary's again today so that Tristan could have his consult with an orthopedic surgeon to decide if lengthening his tight muscle would have long term benefits.  With how great he's been doing lately, we were thinking he probably wouldn't need anything, but then we remembered how Tristan will have tilting episodes in spurts that last for weeks on end.

The doctor came in, and introduced himself like Flynn Ryder from Tangled (Hi, I'm Dr. So'n'so), with the "smolder" voice.  Not sure if that's how he talks, or if he was just trying to be funny.  Of course, it took him a minute to introduce himself, because all pediatric doctors ignore that there is another adult in the room and only address the child.  Another thing that bugs me.

Well, I think our visit lasted a total of 5 minutes.  I'm not even joking.  He looked at Tristan, felt his neck, and said, ok, do you have any concerns?  And I said, well, we're seeing you because his PT's have reached the end of their ropes, they don't know what else to do.  He said, well, I don't see this being a long term problem, affecting his vision or balance.  (Which is what his therapists said would happen if he kept tilting.....) So I asked, well, do you see anything wrong, after looking at and feeling his ?  And he said, well, it's not something you need to make a decision about right away, there are three ways we could lengthen the muscle (explains the three ways).  So I say, is this something we should do?  So he says, you get back with Judy, talk it over with her and then let me know.


GAH!!!!!!!!!!!  What a deaf moron, right?  Didn't answer my questions, didn't address the problem, didn't give any insight.  So here's what we are going to do.  Let Tristan grow up.  Not worry about it anymore.  He doesn't need to be subjected to obscure doctors who don't know what to do with him.  I'm REALLY hoping we don't have to do this again with baby number 2.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Home Sweet Rental

I'd say Nick and I have had pretty consistent rotten luck when it comes to rentals, apartments, landlords and neighbors.  And I'm going to attribute that to where we live.  Unfortunately, that is just a sad fact about Utah.  Happy Valley college town especially.  This place we are living in now has by far been the best, minus the neighbors, but interiorly, it's been fantastic.  We we joking the other day that we wished we could just bring this place with us to Iowa.

So, since we discovered home buying isn't going to be possible until either I get a job and qualify alone, or Nick graduates from PhD school, we started looking for places to rent.   Kinda difficult considering we can't actually go and see any of the properties.  I was under the impression that the rental market in Iowa would be better than here because it is essentially cornville, but not really.  It's actually considerably more expensive.  A place like we are renting now is a couple hundred dollars more a month!  Paying a mortgage really would have been easier on our wallet.

I decided to put  up an ad on craigslist, just to see if we got any replies. And after a few scammy inquiries, a real landlord contacted us.  She had a house for rent about 15 minutes outside of Ames, the city where the university is, reasonably priced, three bedroom, with a backyard and garage.  Talk about a blessing!  After negotiating all the details, and looking at a lot of pictures, we told her we would  take it.  She and her husband only own a couple rental properties, renting to some other PhD families as well, and they  seem very grounded and responsible.  The told us they expect us to take care of the home as well as he property, and they live only a few minutes away.  So if we have any problems, they will be able to address them quickly!

We are SUPER excited!  The house is older, but it's been refurbished and well maintained, new appliances, lots of space, a basement in case a tornado comes, and there is even a play ground and dog house in the backyard for Korra!  Ohhhh, it is so nice to have peace of mind about our living situation, to know we have a place to move to, and it has plenty of space for all of us!.  One weird thing is the two bedrooms upstairs are connected, like a joined hotel room, you have to go through one to get to the other, so we were thinking about eventually turning that into the kids bedroom and playroom.  Keep their mess contained, haha.  We're going to need to buy a few more baby gates to block off different parts of the house, but it's going to be fabulous!

Ah!  I am so excited to get out there!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Baby Update

Having a baby means having a lot of doctors appointments.  I had another one this morning at maternal fetal medicine, and just as I had suspected for the last few weeks, he has turned over again.  He's breech.  Yeay.

The doctor (who was a man and not the same as last time and very impersonal......) asked if I had any questions.  I said, well, he is breech again, and that's part of the reason I was seeing you guys.  So he was like, well, I don't see a problem, and he'll probably turn over before you deliver, are you going to have a vbac?  And I said, no, that's not the concern, the concern is torticollis because of my petite size.  To which he said, were they able to see that on ultrasound last time?  And I almost said, that's not really something you can see on ultrasound you twit.......but I said no.  Then he said that everything looked fine for now, come back in 6 weeks.  I walked out of there in a huff, mainly because I waited for an hour for him to tell me that.  When the tech was doing the ultrasound, the baby was so high up, she had to probe through my third rib space to visualize his head.  No wonder I haven't been able to breath!  Or eat, his head is where my stomach is supposed to be.  And if he's not done growing and already up that high?  Yeah, it sounds like a problem to me.

Otherwise, he looked just fine.  Weighs about 2 1/2 lbs and 16 inches long.  Crazy that he only has two months to gain five more pounds.  I'm ok with time going by super fast, but the last bit of pregnancy is the pits.  Dragging the dog up and down the stairs and carrying Tristan around is starting to take it's toll on me.  But hey, I guess that's just the name of the game.

Big bwain

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Racing

Tristan likes to race cars on the big track.  He's not the greatest at it yet, but he's getting better.  He just likes to push as many  buttons as possible (and those change the tracks and make the cars crash……) and then he goes "awhhhhhhhh".  It's really cute.  It's fun to see just how much he understands and can interact with different things, he's growing up so much and turning into a little boy.  We're glad he likes cars so much, because it's a good thing we can all do together.  




Friday, March 15, 2013

House Hunters

Bluh, why does buying a house have to be so flipping ridiculous?  Who decided it should be next to impossible?

Oh, we're probably not going to be buying a house.  Forget all the stress it causes when you actually have the means, just multiply that by a thousand when you apparently don't.

So there is this great deal, a guaranteed loan if you buy in a rural area, and it doesn't require a down payment.  The catch?  Deferred student loans.  I mean, after thinking about it, I guess it makes sense.  Deferment is a temporary thing, a home loan is 30 years.  But if  the loans weren't in deferment, that would mean Nick was out of school with a real job making a lot more money.  So too many what ifs with that.  Unfortunately, the same thing applies to conventional loans.  Deferred students loans and being a grad student make you too much of a liability, the bank can't issue a loan to such an unknown.

But wait!  There is another option!  First time home buyers have the option of using an FHA loan, where the interest rate is super low, down payment percent is super low, down payment money can come from pretty much anywhere, and student loans are not taken into account.  If we were to go that rout, we would qualify for a $135,000 home.  Not too bad for young people like us, wouldn't you say?  However, FHA loans cannot be used in conjunction with rural housing deals, so a down payment has to be made no matter what.  So with that, the mortgage insurance and tax, FHA loan tax, and closing costs, our total out of pocket cost for a home purchase, for even a $90,000 home, would be around $5,000.   I guess that's not too much for established people.  But for young college people like us, trying to afford a new baby and the move to Iowa.........looks like home buying is going to be something for when we are in our 30's.

Ah, so let the apartment hunt begin.  I sure hope we have better luck with landlords in Iowa than we have in Utah.........

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Happy Birthday Papa!

Today was my dad's birthday!  Yeay!

I stayed up late last night baking him a cake hehe.

And I'm soooo glad he works right near my house, because we invited him to come spend his birthday evening with us.  After work, he and my little brother Phil came over, and we had pork chop and brown rice dinner and chocolate cake and watched some Curious George (for Tristan's benefit, haha).

We let Tristan help pick out a Hot Wheels car for my dad for a gift; we thought that would be a nice thing to have from his grandson, and he could put it on his shelf or dresser.  I'm glad my dad has been down here for the last year, it's been nice to be able to spend more time with him.  I am sad that we won't be able to see him as much in a few months when we move for Nick's PhD, but at least we will be closer than we were when my parents were living in Alaska.  I'm also a little sad that it has been such a hard time for my mom getting everything in order to be able to move down here, but the good news is she'll be here for at least a few months before we are gone.  

But, like I said, it was nice to be able to have my dad over for his birthday.  I haven't spent his birthday with him in wow, over seven years?  Has it really been that long??????  I suddenly feel old!

Here are a couple pictures, and my cake recipe is at the bottom!









Easter Bunny Fudge Cake

2 1/2 cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup butter
2  cups brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 tbsp butter
1 3 oz white chocolate Easter Bunny
1 3 oz dark chocolate Easter Bunny
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 cup sour scream
1 cup boiling water

Sift together flour, salt, cocoa powder and soda, set aside.
Melt Easter bunnies and 2 tbsp butter.  Cream sugar and 1/2 cup butter until smooth.  Add eggs, beating in one at a time.  Add vanilla and melted bunnies.   Mix in sour cream.  Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients, don't worry, it's going to seem thick and doughy.  Mix in 1/2 - 1 cup of boiling water, beating well, until the batter is a nice consistency   I don't know how else to put that, if you've made a cake before, you know how thick a batter should be!  I ended up only using 3/4 cup of boiling water.  Pour the batter into two well greased 9" cake pans and cook at 350 degrees for around half an hour-45 minutes.  Don't let it over cook!  Test with a toothpick at 30 minutes to make sure.  Remove cakes from pans and let cool on wire racks (or if you are poor and don't have any, just use parchment paper like me).

And, my favorite frosting.......

2-4 cups powder sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2 tbsp half and half
1/4 cup soft cream cheese
1/2 cup soft butter

Cream together butter, cheese, half and half and vanilla.  Then mix in the sugar until you reach your desired frosting consistency.  If it starts to get runny, refrigerate for a little bit, then add a bit more powdered sugar and whip it again.  (Happens to me all the time, I tend to get a little over zealous when softening my butter.....)  Then frost your yummy fudgy cake!


Friday, March 8, 2013

Awesome News

I guess it's official,

We are finally leaving Utah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Dear Nicholas:
Congratulations! The Ecology and Evolutionary Biology (EEB) Admissions Committee has
voted to recommend your admission for PhD study to the Ecology and Evolutionary Biology
Interdepartmental Graduate Program beginning Fall Semester 2013.


In addition, you have been approved for admission to the Department of Ecology, Evolution &
Organismal Biology (EEOB) as your home department. Dr. John Nason, of the EEOB
Department, and Dr. Greg Courtney of the Entomology Department, will be your faculty coadvisors.
We are pleased to inform you that through a competitive review process you have been awarded
a Biotechnology Fellowship along with a combination research and teaching assistantship
appointment to cover your first academic year of study (Fall 2013 and Spring 2014)."



YEAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But even more exciting than that is that Nick got into the PhD program he was hoping for.  He will be attending Iowa State University this fall.  I'm very proud and happy for him that things have gone the direction he was hoping.  I mean, it's still 5 more years of school, but as Shelly keeps reminding me, it will all be worth it in the end.

So we are very excited.  If all goes as planned, we will be heading out there the end of July, early August.  With a two year old, a one month old, a dog, and a cat..........yes, we are crazy.  But it's like everyone says, this is the most exciting time of our lives, so we might as well live it up and be crazy while we still can.  We hope to buy a house for while we are living there because it is considerably cheaper than renting.  And they have this great deal where if you buy rural you don't need to make a down payment, so there are a ton of options for us out there.  The whole state is basically rural!  The only thing that doesn't thrill me is the tornadoes.  I'd much rather be in an earthquake.  I guess that's just because that's what I'm familiar with, but as long as we get a good house with a solid basement, we'll be fine.

So here's to us!

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

One of the worst things about baby number 2 is you know what to expect.  And that makes waiting all the more painful.  The first time around, you have no idea what is going to happen, how fat you are going to get........I kinda wish for that.

Yesterday we reorganized our room to make space for a bookshelf for Nick; he needed a place to put all of his school books and things.  But we figured just make it so there would be space for the rocking chair and bassinet as well.  The problem is, now that there is the space for it, I want to set it all up.  I wish I could call it "nesting", but it's a little too far out for that.  So I'm going to call it getting ancy.  Good thing is though, we already have everything we need, minus newborn diapers.  And it's nice that everything Tristan used, this baby can use so it doesn't just sit in the closet collecting dust.

Still, every time I look ahead and realize, man, I still have 12 weeks to go, I have to remind myself I have twice that many behind me.  Which isn't too much consolation when you have to ask your husband to help you put on your socks.......but it's like looking forward to vacation.  You think about what it's going to be like walking down the isle of a plane to find your seat, smelling that plane cabin smell and getting ready for take off.  And you look forward to it, and can't believe it's already happening once your buckled up and ready to go.  That's what this feels like to me, and I know once it's here, I'm going to wonder where all the time went, and be so excited when I'm laying in the recovery room no longer pregnant!

Monday, March 4, 2013

Little Sister

Hopefully I don't get in too much trouble for this post.

I figured most of you who read this already know anyways, so I've got pictures I want to post.

Since Tristan is getting a little brother, we decided Korra needed a little sister.  And mommy needed a snuggle buddy that didn't try to chew on her face.

And so, introducing Lilly!



The story of how she came to be is actually quite intriguing, but for another time.  Suffice it to say shelter's don't make adopting animals very easy…..it's like they want to keep them.  But once we got her home, it was all worth it.  She is the perfect little sweetheart, gentle with Tristan, playful with Korra, and snuggly with me and Nick.  There just isn't a mean bone in her body, no matter how many time Korra and Tristan try to (and succeed a lot of the time……) step on her.  She's been with us a little over a month.

We're animal lovers, not ashamed to admit it.  At the shelter, it was very hard not to adopt every single kitty there.  Nick joked with the lady that they should have just shown me one kitty and said it was the only one they had, and I still would have taken it home.  Hahaha, he makes fun of me, but he was just as bad.  One day we can have lots of animals, but for now, Korra and Lilly are perfect.  I'm so glad they get along so well, and that they are both great with Tristan.  And, amazingly enough, Lilly has not demonstrated the out of litter box experiences all of our other cats have.  I have high hopes for her, haha.

The only problem is, all three of them (Tristan, Korra and Lilly) want me at once.  The minute I sit down, they are all trying to get in my lap.  Lilly will curl up, and Tristan will shove her away, and then Korra will just attack all of us.  Usually I end up sitting on the coffee  table or kitchen stool to get away.    And Lilly is probably going to grow up thinking she is a dog……she already tries to steal Korra's bone, likes hanging out in her crate, and rough houses with her incessantly.  Which I guess is a good thing.  And it's hard to tell in the pictures, but she does have a lazy eye……hehe which makes her even cuter.  She also loves my hair, it's her favorite place to snuggle, she will burry her face in my hair and purr and drool and knead.  I'm guessing that's because we adopted her just one week after she had been weaned.  But, after everyone has gone to bed, and it's just poor pregnant insomniac me hanging out, it's nice to have a little kitty curled up on my lap purring.

Big blue eyes


Pet the kitty

Usually he will just shove her away immediately, haha,
but this time he let her sit and pet her for a bit.  It was sweet



Fur Cut

Summer is coming and it is starting to warm up.  Which means lots and lots of shedding.  Fortunately, my sister Becky came for a visit and gave us all sorts of great tips on doggy fur.  Who knew there was such a thing as a perpetually shedding undercoat that's soft as silk and staticky as cling wrap?

We ended up going to Petsmart and getting one of those super heavy duty steal brushes.  And oh man, is it fantastic!  It pulls all that nasty fur right out!  And her coat ends up looking fabulous.  Of course, we went back to Petsmart later and got some clippers to do a little trimming.  Ok, a lot of trimming.  It's ok!  It looks a lot better than those hack jobs I used to do on Suki.  And we left her poof tail, so she looks like a little fluffy poodle or something.  The good thing is, we will have an easier time grooming her, she won't be boiling in the summer, and we won't notice her hair everywhere as much.

Only thing is, the silly vet we took her to to ask about her acid reflux told us shaving her coat off would ruin it.  We are hoping we didn't shave it too much to cause damage.  Apparently Nordic dogs have very finicky fur.  We'll see what happens as it starts to grow out again.  Then again, that woman was probably the most boisterous idiot we have ever met in our lives......we were wondering if she gagged and tied up the real vet.  The whole first 15 minutes of our visit was a bad infomercial about heart worm medicine, without a brand name or price attached.  No "hi how are you?" or "so what are we seeing you for today?"......then it went straight into preschool talk about doggies and acupuncture.  Maybe people who work with animals all day assume everyone is as dumb as a puppy.....but all we walked out of there thinking was that she had the IQ of a pancake.

Anyhoo, back to Nordic fur......hahahaha, we're very happy with our grooming purchases, and Korra looks adorable.